Is age really just a number?
Navigating conversations with older men can be challenging, especially for young women. How can we address clear generational and cultural gaps when engaging with older men feels like a struggle?
Of course, it can be easy to tell yourself to enter a discussion with an open mind and grace, but when that same impartiality is not reciprocated, how do you pivot? For young women, it can be difficult to feel respected by older men in the same way they are respected by young men. Though social and cultural differences are apparent, there is something deeper embedded in the fabric of the patriarchy that may go unnoticed.
With major political strife in recent years and attitudes changing toward women’s health care and a general normalization of casual misogyny, how can we as women approach conversations with older men with an open mind? It can feel impossible to look past the clear sociopolitical barriers that have been held up by men of older generations, possibly enhancing feelings of inadequacy or imposter syndrome for women.
Finding ways to bridge that generational and gender gap is essential for effective communication between young women and older men. Entering conversations with compassion and understanding may not be enough; it may be helpful to reflect on positive experiences with older men, reminding us of our shared humanity rather than our differences. Personal, positive experiences with older men or male role models can be drowned out by the noise of news headlines and social media, disconnecting us from the human interactions that connect us as a society. Empathy is essential when engaging with individuals with whom we have a bias, especially when the goal is mutual understanding.
Positive reminders of prior engagement with older men can be helpful, but intergenerational disconnect can be exacerbated by personal experiences. Reflecting on the past may not work for everyone and could possibly intensify personal biases. When you feel you’ve tried it all, do not lose hope; there are still ways to proactively engage with older men without compromising your values or even your sense of self. Providing older men with the empathy they deserve need not be a loss of personal ethics but an achievement of benevolence. Regardless of age and gender, being a human is a shared experience. Remembering that we are all enduring this life for the first time together has a great beauty that is often neglected.
True human interaction seems to be a lost art in the digital age, especially in the years following COVID-19. Older generations appreciate the time and care it takes to communicate and connect with others, while younger generations are used to instant gratification. It’s important to be patient when talking to older men and to understand that it may take time to build a connection or find common ground that fosters relatability across gender and generational gaps.
Research shows that differences in communication and perspectives on life account for 40% of intergenerational conflict, hindering the ability to relate to one another and to see past social barriers between young women and older men. Changing your approach when speaking to older men is critical. Certain generations may require a little more TLC than others. Keep in mind the world men of older generations grew up in is drastically different from what younger women experience today. Take your time and have patience; it may feel uncomfortable and even disingenuous at first, but remember that discomfort promotes personal growth.
Older generations tend to have a weaker social filter than younger generations. Growing up in the age of technology, young people, especially women, are painfully aware of the impact their words can make on others. We see firsthand, whether in real life or online, how certain conversations or topics affect people’s emotions. Remembering that older folks don’t necessarily share the same fears about being perceived a certain way as younger people do is important for setting realistic boundaries when talking to older men. Accepting people for who they are and recognizing that many inappropriate or unfiltered topics primarily stem from a lack of knowledge of one another’s boundaries.
Feeling uncomfortable due to a lack of experience is normal; you may feel like a fish out of water, especially if you have never spoken to older men. It’s okay to feel nervous and uneasy when going into these conversations, but comfort comes with experience. Acknowledge your fears and maintain your values regardless of your emotions toward older men; with time, it will get easier. It can even be helpful to acknowledge the elephant in the room: the generational gap. Doing this can ease possible tension and mutual fears. Try not to forget that you may not be the only one experiencing discomfort when approaching conversations with older men; the feelings may be mutual, and addressing that head-on could help.
Try to see the individual in front of you for who they are, not their age or gender. It can be easy to get caught up in what makes us different, but finding ways to connect, regardless of age or gender, can significantly shape the direction of the conversation. Finding similarities in art, sports, dreams, and goals, as well as familial ones, can help break the invisible barrier between young women and older men.
Recognizing differences in communication styles and upbringing is a great start when connecting with older men. Use your age to your advantage; you may not realize how much older generations respect younger ones if you don’t let older folks connect with you. With all of the division in the world, finding day-to-day human connections is what brings hope for the future. We all have something to learn from each other, so be bold: don’t wait for the older man to take the lead; have confidence and start that conversation. Connection doesn’t have to be hard, but it takes effort and empathy to make a real impact on those around us.
