Change can be overwhelming; it may feel easier to stick with what you know and avoid altering the comfort you may have. Fear is our instinctive way of alerting and protecting ourselves from anything that may endanger our well-being. Seeking change in your life can be big or small, but even if you do not make a conscious decision to change, the world around you will change regardless. Your body will continue to age, time will keep moving, and the sun will set. Taking control and living your life instead of feeling like you’re just going through the motions requires some discomfort, which oftentimes leads to fear.
Fear can manifest in a variety of ways, such as anxiety, depression, stress, resistance, anger, or shame. We can be overwhelmed by whatever we are facing and feel paralyzed by the fear of uncertainty, discomfort, or potential consequences that we may face. It is natural to feel fearful; however, it is important to navigate how to overcome this fear instead of continuing to feel stuck.
There’s likely something you want to alter or change about your life, whether it’s changing unhealthy coping mechanisms like doom-scrolling and impulse spending, changing career paths, finding a partner, or confronting health challenges. We all have thoughts of what may be beneficial for us. Even when we know that things would likely be better if we changed our routine, goals, or mindset, getting there can be uncomfortable, and there is no true certainty as to what will happen.
There are many theories on motivation, each of which attempts to explain how we reach goals and why we act in the ways we do. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs illustrates that we must first establish security in certain areas before moving on to others. We must fulfill our needs for physical and psychological safety before building our confidence or addressing our spiritual needs, prioritizing basic needs over complex ones. Our safety comes first; the motivation to fulfill these basic needs feels instinctual, as we prioritize finding food and shelter before moving on to build community and seek meaning.
Motivation can be challenging to access and control. We all have had dreams, goals, or hopes for the future. Whether these goals are manageable or feasible can be subjective, but the process to get there can seem overwhelming. It is natural to be concerned about the future and worried about the uncertainty that lies ahead. Even with diligent and persistent work and effort, we cannot predict what obstacles may come our way or how the future will unfold. Instead of the fear of uncertainty festering and inhibiting our drive towards change, reclaim your motivation.
Fear can conflict with our motivation and make us feel that our safety is at risk. Fear is something we instinctively and emotionally perceive, and it can increase our reactiveness, causing us to behave in ways that secure our safety and make us feel secure. Fear is designed to help us respond to our environment or within ourselves to survive. We need fear to protect ourselves.
Fear protects us; it is not just an emotion, but a pattern of threat-related stimuli that can evoke emotions and behaviors. There are five types of fear: evolutionary, danger, novelty, intensity, learning, and social. However, fear is not always helpful when it is the primary motivator. You may have noticed patterns of putting something off to get something done. Procrastination can be effective because there is a fear that the consequences of not completing an assignment will prevent us from overcoming the final few hurdles and finishing it before the deadline.
We must acknowledge our fears to overcome them. Recognizing how we are feeling, the physical sensations we are experiencing, and our thought patterns can help us recenter ourselves in the present and cultivate greater mindfulness. Mindfulness is about awareness. When we are aware of what may cause us fear, we can recognize the signs that lead us to feel afraid, resistant, or unmotivated. By doing so, we can work towards addressing and even changing those feelings.
Once we have identified and acknowledged our fears, we have confronted them and now must take action. Sometimes, sitting with the discomfort of fear can be that first step. Sitting with your fears and noticing what thought patterns are arising. If you are thinking of the worst-case scenario, feeling fixated on a specific problem, or noticing negative self-talk towards yourself, try to disrupt these negative thought patterns. Rationalizing or finding evidence to dispute these negative thoughts can be helpful. Some people also find comfort in simply disrupting these thoughts, saying “this is not helpful” or stating, “I’m catastrophizing.” To confront our fears, it is important to be persistent. Once you feel you understand your fears, start by outlining what you want to change and being specific with how you would like to work towards your goals.
Finding what motivates you may require some mindful self-discovery. Do I rely on small treats to get through difficult moments? Do I rely on pressure from others? Do I seek direction from others’ goals? Think about why you make the choices you do, and what is stopping you from creating positive change. Creating consistent habits takes time and can feel challenging. However, you don’t have to change everything in one day; you can build towards change, finding ways to relate to your goal. Self-determination theory explains how our behavior is self-determined based on the basic physiological needs of autonomy, relatedness, and competence, which are related to motivation. When these three areas are met, we are more likely to be motivated to work towards a goal. Threats toward success, competition, criticism, and excessive challenge can undermine these. Considering ways to align your goals with your values can help combat this.
A mental health clinician can help guide you in understanding your fears and motivations. Motivational interviewing is a therapeutic modality that empowers individuals to link positive thinking to change and to serve as a consistent motivating force. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been proven to help individuals understand the link between their thoughts and behaviors, disrupting negative thought patterns and cultivating alternative thought patterns. Exposure therapy has been helpful for many in confronting their fears by consistently exposing oneself to fear-related stimuli in a safe environment.
Many considerations and diagnoses can make it challenging to overcome fear. Anxiety and stress can increase our discomfort and uncertainty, latching onto fear and making it more difficult to find motivation to overcome it. Depression can cause us to feel increasingly overwhelmed and shut down. ADHD can make organizing our thoughts and goals feel difficult to navigate. Trauma is important to consider when discussing fear; a trauma-informed therapeutic model, such as exposure therapy or trauma-informed cognitive behavioral therapy, can help us process these traumatic and fear-inducing experiences in a safe and supportive way.
