Delaying dating has become more common in recent years compared to previous generations. A recent survey found that 67–76% of Millennials reported dating by age 20, but only around 58% of Gen Z did so by their late teens or early 20s (Survey Center on American Life, 2025). Generational trends also show people are marrying and cohabitating later. Although reasons for delaying dating differ by individual and gender, many men cite emotional, psychological, social, and societal factors for waiting until after age 25. Society typically expects people to begin dating in high school or college, so dating after 25 is often perceived as ‘falling behind,’ leading to associated feelings of shame and isolation, especially for men. Instead, we should view delayed dating as a valid choice and an opportunity for personal growth, not as a negative deviation from the norm.
Emotional and socio-cultural factors influencing why some men delay dating until after age 25
Anxiety and Fear of Rejection:
One psychological contributor to delaying dating is anxiety and the fear of rejection. No one likes rejection; however, it is an unfortunate part of dating for everyone. When we experience anxiety, we often engage in avoidance behaviors, which in the end just reinforces the anxiety by never allowing us to experience the feared situation. People who tend to be more socially anxious might avoid dating, feel relief by avoiding it, but then continue to struggle with the anxiety surrounding dating because they are not showing themselves that dating gets easier with practice and exposure to it. When people are anxious, they often exhibit cognitive distortions in their thinking. People may assume the worst will happen in dating, be unnecessarily hard on themselves, or overgeneralize a single bad experience to mean there will only be negative experiences going forward.
Attachment Style:
Attachment style affects when people start dating. Men with avoidant attachment may engage in casual sex but delay true dating due to commitment fears. Men with anxious attachment may also delay dating to avoid anxiety and fear of abandonment.
Developmental Milestone Delays
Key points in development can also impact when a man begins dating. If someone does not have much exposure to mixed-gender friendships as they grow up, this could impact comfort level in dating (depending on their sexuality). Additionally, men who grew up in socially restrictive environments may also struggle in dating. Overprotective parenting that did not allow for dating or much socializing outside the home could also contribute, as well as socially restricting environments such as homeschooling (if there was not much effort to socialize the kids outside the home)
Dating may also be delayed if there was a lack of modeling for healthy relationships. With the divorce rate being so high, there are a lot of kids who grow up without a healthy example of what a positive relationship looks like. This can leave men unsure how to pursue a dating relationship or how to act when dating, because it isn’t modeled.
Delayed independence can also delay dating. The United States Census reports that 54% of adults aged 18-24 still live with their parents. This can lower confidence and make it harder to date freely, leading some to wait until they live on their own before starting to date.
Prioritization of Career and Financial Stability:
Another reason dating may be delayed until after 25 is the prioritization of career and financial stability over relationships. Society pressures men to succeed, which can shape their focus in their 20s. These societal messages often lead men to believe, “I need to be successful before I deserve love.” Values can shift over time: some young men value success and a career early on, but later they prioritize connection and family.
Self-Esteem and Body Image:
Self-esteem struggles can stem from experiences throughout life that shape core beliefs influencing how we view ourselves, the world, and others. Some examples include “I’m unlovable,” “I’m different from everyone else,” and “others are not trustworthy.” We often do not consciously recognize these beliefs, but when past experiences are explored deeply, they come to light and significantly affect how people think and behave. If one holds a core belief of being “unlovable” or “unworthy,” negative thoughts such as “if I start dating I will be rejected” may follow, leading to avoidance or delay in dating. Low self-esteem and body image can also arise from social media and social comparison. Comparing oneself to others—especially friends perceived as ahead in dating and relationships—can create insecurity or feelings of “behind,” furthering avoidance. Social media often presents an inaccurate reflection of reality, which can put pressure on men to act or look a certain way; such comparisons are never beneficial.
Cultural or Religious Influences:
Culture and religion can also impact the onset of dating. Some conservative religions hold beliefs of only dating for marriage or delaying relationships until adulthood. There are also some cultures that are more restrictive about dating, leading to a later age of onset of dating or more unfamiliarity with being around the opposite sex. Additionally, family expectations and values may impact the onset of dating. In cultures that highly value academic and financial success, people may delay dating because they prioritize school and work above all else.
With this context, let’s consider how being “later to dating” can impact men.
Feeling behind in dating can cause some men to feel shame and lose confidence. Societal messages that men “should date,” along with social media and peer comparisons, fuel these feelings. Men who start dating after age 25 may worry about seeming inexperienced, either socially or sexually. Dating later can also lead to idealizing relationships or expecting perfection. This can create unrealistic expectations and place too much emotional weight on early experiences. While starting to date later has its challenges, it also offers many benefits. Instead of losing confidence, men can shift their mindset to view dating as an opportunity for growth and learning.
The Benefits of Starting to Date After Age 25
You are entering dating with a stronger sense of self.
Starting to date after 25 means you have had more time to focus on yourself and establish your identity. You are likely more aware of your values, interests, strengths, weaknesses, and goals. You are comfortable being alone, so you will not seek your identity through another person when dating.
You have greater emotional maturity.
The prefrontal cortex is continuing to mature through the mid-20s, and this area of the brain contributes to risk assessment, emotional regulation, delayed gratification, long-term planning, and social judgment- all very important skills when dating. This means you are better equipped to manage and express your emotions in healthy ways, and to consider and make positive choices for yourself and avoid risky relationship decisions.
More intentional
In high school and college, dating is often shaped by peer pressure, social comparison, and a desire for validation. Waiting allows you to be more purposeful and define your standards, boundaries, and needs, making it easier to end things with a partner if you quickly see they won’t meet those needs.
You have a more solid foundation, which contributes to a sense of confidence.
Waiting longer to date means you have likely spent more time working on yourself and focusing on your personal goals, including your career, hobbies, and friends. You are likely more financially stable at this point in your life and may feel more secure in your career. When all the other foundational elements of one’s life are stable, it becomes easier to build a healthy relationship. This allows for stronger long-term potential.
How to Grow from Starting to Date Later
Shift your narrative:
There are clear benefits to later dating. Instead of thinking, “I’m behind,” reframe it as, “I’m beginning with the internal awareness and stability many others lack when they start dating.”
Normalize the timeline:
There is no such thing as being truly “late to dating,” you are simply on a different path. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your past self. Also, recognize that, unfortunately, many people who get married young end up divorcing and then find a truly healthy, stable relationship later in life, so there is no right or wrong age to start dating.
Where to Start
If you are just starting your dating journey, consider the following tips:
– Don’t stop working on yourself: Continue doing the things you have always done for yourself- focusing on your career, self-care, health, friends, etc. Dating can be overwhelming, but it is important not to lose yourself in the process.
– Join groups that involve your interests: Consider joining some groups related to your hobbies to increase your ability to meet potential partners who have aligned interests.
– Use dating apps in an intentional way: Consider joining dating apps with the goal of using them in an intentional rather than obsessive way. Know your purpose and goals for using the apps, define boundaries/ time limits for app use per day, and really evaluate the people you are engaging with on the apps thoughtfully, rather than rapidly swiping through potential partners.
– Say yes to things: Try to say yes to everything and don’t turn down new opportunities. You never know where you might meet a potential partner. There are also single events, such as speed dating, that you can sign up for.
– Practice conversation starters in low-stakes environments: If you tend to be anxious about starting conversations, practice in low-stakes environments with strangers. This may look like asking a barista or cashier a simple question, or making conversation in an elevator. These can be very brief interactions, but they are good ways to build up confidence in conversing with new people.
– Be honest about your dating experience in a confident way: When talking to potential new partners about past dating experience, it is okay to be honest about not having much dating experience previously. Remember that there are many benefits to taking the time to work on yourself before entering the dating scene.
– Feel confident about wardrobe, grooming, posture, and body language: If these areas are not strengths for you, work towards improvement in these areas to build confidence.
– Don’t focus on the outcomes: Don’t focus so much on the outcome of “finding a relationship,” but rather just enjoy the process of meeting new people and practicing building up your confidence and dating skills.
– Don’t take failed dating experiences personally: Sometimes people are just not a good match for one another, and that is ok. It means nothing about you or the other person.
