You’ve got a new job and your supervisor bends over backwards to help you get settled in, taking you through extra training, granting you an extension on a deadline, and covering when you’re overwhelmed. At first, you’re grateful. But that gratitude starts to wear off over time. Without realizing it, you start expecting that kind of support. Soon enough, it feels like something you deserve, and next thing you know, you’re depending on your manager to an extent that makes you feel trapped.
It is the cycle of the toxic charity mindset. Historically, this theory has existed in charitable organizations, where ongoing support intended to be empowering instills dependency. When we apply this model to the workplace, the parallels are apparent. Employees who lock themselves into this mindset risk debilitating their own career growth, harming their relationship with their manager, and closing out their long-term opportunities.
While not conventional, the application of the stages of toxic charity to the workplace is highly beneficial. It reveals the way beneficial aid escalates into expectation, entitlement, and subsequently dependency. Through observation of these stages, understand how to stay in healthy patterns of thankfulness, autonomy, and growth.
The Five Stages of Toxic Charity
Before comparing these stages to the workplace, understanding how toxic charity develops in its original context is crucial.
- Appreciation – There is actual appreciation of the help given.
- Anticipation – Soon, the recipients expect help to be on its way.
- Expectation – Help is no longer considered voluntary, but rather as something expected.
- Entitlement – Help is considered earned regardless of effort or circumstance.
- Dependency – Independence is sacrificed as recipients become reliant upon help.
In charity work, this cycle can undermine the very purpose of support, creating reliance instead of empowerment. In the workplace, the same pattern can emerge, but this time between employees and their supervisors.
Stage-by-Stage Workplace Application
Stage 1: Appreciation
- In the workplace, gratitude is the key to a fruitful relationship. New hires or underperforming workers often experience deep gratitude when their boss takes the extra time and effort. For example, the boss who goes home late to help with a project gets a genuine “thank you.” But if that appreciation is not regularly maintained, it will wear away. What once felt like a gift begins to feel routine, opening the door to the next stage.
Stage 2: Anticipation
- Appreciation will slowly go away, and anticipation takes its place. An employee begins to expect their supervisor’s favor simply because it has occurred in the past. It can be seen as expecting a manager to give deadline extensions or settle arguments consistently. Though never verbalized, these expectations change the dynamic at hand. The favor is no longer appreciated but now expected.
Stage 3: Expectation
- Expectation creates the belief that help is on the way. During this stage, workers feel privileged treatment is their absolute right and is deserved. Initiative begins to subside as the safety net is perceived as secure. For example, a worker will stop figuring things out on their own, believing his/her supervisor will “step in anyway.” The result can lead to a lack of career growth.
Stage 4: Entitlement
- Entitlement changes the tone of the relationship between employee and employer. Help is no longer valued but instead demanded. Employees may feel raises, bonuses, or compliments are expected or earned, regardless of performance. When other individuals receive praise, they will be resentful, thinking that “it should have been them.” Entitlement erodes respect between peers and management, ruining trust and morale.
Stage 5: Dependency
- In the final step, independence is lost. An employee counts on their manager to correct problems, make decisions, and carry out the tasks for the employee. Such dependency is a telltale sign to management that this employee may not be promotion-ready. Instead of showing growth and competence, dependency shows stagnation.
Across these stages, support that once felt helpful can shift into a barrier, limiting growth and straining workplace relationships.
Step-by-Step: Avoiding the Charity Mindset in Your Career
Breaking the cycle of toxic charity in the workplace will require awareness and intentional practice. The goal is not to refuse help but to remain rooted in appreciation, independence, and ownership.
1. Walk with gratitude
Never lose perspective. Whether it’s guidance from someone you trust, a generous deadline, or a sympathetic boss, develop the habit of being grateful. A simple thank you can take you far in staying grounded.
2. Take ownership
Before turning to your boss, ask yourself: Have I done everything I can on my own? Handling issues on your own before raising them to your boss shows responsibility and maturity.
3. Show initiative
Seek opportunities to take on a leadership role. Offer to do projects that challenge your skills. By doing so, you prove to your boss and yourself that you are capable of growing.
4. Be flexible
Don’t make your work habits contingent upon benefits, exceptions, or special privileges. Work persistently, even if support is not guaranteed. Flexibility is one of the secrets to resilience.
5. Focus on development
Rather than waiting for opportunities, seek them. Take courses in professional development, request feedback, and think about how to improve. Development comes through taking charge of your career path, not from expecting someone else to build it for you.
Support at the workplace is not the adversary. Indeed, friendly advice and accommodation from a superior can be the distinction between job survival and failure during a downturn. But when gratitude turns into complacency and support turns into expectation, the toxic charity mindset can creep in. Employees risk sabotaging their own development, harming valuable relationships, and losing out on the freedom that progression requires.
The good news is that this cycle can be broken. By walking in thankfulness, being responsible, and committing to building, workers can retain the dividends of support without becoming dependent. At its core, a career must be rooted in empowerment, not dependency. When workers are owners and innovators, guidance from a supervisor is what it was always meant to be: a stepping stone, not a crutch.
Clinically reviewed by John P. Carnesecchi, LCSW, CEAP
Founder and Clinical Director of Gateway to Solutions
References:
https://verbalbreakdown.medium.com/from-appreciation-to-resentment-80669551f1db
https://hbr.org/2022/12/whats-holding-back-your-career-development
