Imagine a child growing up in a household with strict rules and expectations. Feelings are met with coldness, misbehaviors with harsh punishments, and mistakes with shaming. The child’s parents often respond to questions with an automatic: “Because I said so,” with little to no explanation beyond that. These are the markers of authoritarian parenting, one of four core parenting styles that emphasizes strictness and obedience.
This scenario closely resembles your childhood with your parents or caregivers, or there were glimpses of this style of parenting in an otherwise nurturing household. Perhaps you are an expecting or current parent looking to better understand your parenting style.
Authoritarian parenting, as its name suggests, is dominated by the parent or caregiver’s need for authority. Parents may adopt this style for reasons such as how they were raised, cultural factors, or because they want their children to be well-behaved. Authoritarian parenting, like all parenting styles, can leave lasting impacts on children. It can be helpful to understand the short- and long-term consequences of parenting choices to reflect on the past and change future patterns.
The Four Parenting Styles
When people talk about parenting styles, they are typically referring to four traditionally understood approaches: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Families may have a blend of styles, for instance, if one parent uses authoritarian parenting while the other aligns more with permissive parenting. One parent or caregiver may also demonstrate a combination of styles. Research suggests a correlation between parenting styles and child behavior, though establishing a cause-and-effect relationship is challenging due to other variables, such as genetics, environment, cultural factors, and child temperament. The four styles can help you understand the connection between your childhood and development, or guide you as you navigate your role as a parent.
Authoritarian Parenting: Parents set strict rules and expectations with little room for discussion. Mistakes are punished harshly. Physical punishment, like spanking, may be used. There is little warmth or nurture given, as the primary focus is on authority and discipline. Children of authoritarian parents tend to be obedient but show low self-esteem and self-efficacy. They tend to have emotional and behavioral problems and may engage in aggressive behaviors.
Authoritative Parenting: Parents establish high standards and expectations while also being responsive to feedback. They engage in questions and dialogue with their children and provide warmth and support. Discipline is fair and consistent. Mistakes are met with understanding and forgiveness. Children of authoritative parents can develop healthy emotion regulation and social skills, and tend to be friendly, cooperative, and self-confident.
Permissive Parenting: Parents are lenient and indulgent. They prioritize being friends with their children. Discipline is rare due to the lack of rules, expectations, and standards set in the household. Parents tend to be loving, warm, and supportive. Children of permissive parents are highly independent but tend to lack self-discipline and boundaries. They may struggle with a sense of entitlement.
Uninvolved Parenting: Also known as neglectful parenting, these parents meet basic needs but provide little support or warmth. They do not set rules or expectations for behavior. Parents may seem indifferent, dismissive, or emotionally distant to their children’s needs. Children of uninvolved parents may be independent but have difficulty forming meaningful relationships. They may struggle to develop healthy boundaries and coping mechanisms.
Effects of Authoritarian Parenting
Experts largely agree that authoritarian parenting is connected to adverse outcomes for children. In the short term, authoritarian parenting is correlated with child aggression, juvenile delinquent behavior, and lower emotional intelligence. Children who display aggressive physical and verbal behaviors may be observing those same behaviors from their parents. High levels of parental control have also been associated with child mental health issues, like anxiety and depression. The repercussions are widespread in the home and in academic and social settings. Children may struggle in these settings due to shyness, low self-esteem, and fewer prosocial behaviors. They may also demonstrate excessive conformity and compliance due to lowered self-efficacy and self-reliance. The child may be considered obedient by their teachers or peers due to their rule-following, but they could suffer from intense anxiety and fear about making mistakes.
These effects also translate into the long term. Studies have shown that adults who were raised with authoritarian parents reported worsened mental health and psychological well-being over time. Individuals who grew up with controlling and overbearing parents often struggle with essential life skills such as independence and assertiveness. It affects friendships, romantic relationships, and educational achievement. Harsh parenting harms kids’ social and emotional development, which may create adults who struggle with regulating their emotions.
Changing Future Patterns
It is possible to shift your current parenting style and change generational patterns of parenting. A healthier alternative to authoritarian parenting is authoritative parenting, a firm yet nurturing approach. It similarly holds high standards and expectations. Structure is in place, with consistent rules and discipline. However, there are key differences. Authoritarian parents listen to their children and engage in dialogue to drive understanding rather than compliance. They are warm, supportive, and loving. They favor positive reinforcement over punishment. These parents work to foster critical thinking skills, self-efficacy, and independence in their children. Authoritative parenting has healthy effects on child development. Children tend to develop healthy social skills, emotional control, and self-confidence.
You can adapt the style of an authoritative parent by implementing its key tenets. Spend quality time with your children. When possible, give children choices to build their sense of independence and allow them to see the natural consequences of their choices and actions. It may involve letting go of a desire for control. Demonstrate affirming love, support, and compassion. Listen to your children and be there for them. Model healthy behaviors for them. Set rules and healthy boundaries, and verbally communicate those expectations to your children. When a rule is broken, follow through with the decided consequence. It is essential to reinforce and complement your child’s positive behaviors.
If you are looking to make a change, seek a licensed mental health professional to learn about and discuss new parenting strategies. Individual therapy can also help you understand your upbringing, patterns, and family dynamics. If you were raised with an authoritarian parenting style, this space can be used to process its impact. Family therapy is another option to address existing conflicts among all family members and to support healthier ways of being together.
