Why does it often seem easier to explain why we feel the way we feel than it does to simply let ourselves feel? Everyone responds to emotions differently; however, many people develop defense mechanisms over time to help them deal with difficult or uncomfortable emotions. These defense mechanisms may seem beneficial at first, and people typically do not even notice they are engaging in them; however, defense mechanisms become problematic when they become the “go to” for managing emotions. One common defense mechanism is called intellectualization. The APA defines intellectualization as “ a defense mechanism in which conflicts or emotional problems are dealt with abstractly or concealed by excessive intellectual activity.” In other words, it is when a person uses reasoning, logic, or analysis in order to avoid truly experiencing their feelings or emotions.
Examples of Intellectualization:
- Someone’s family member gets a difficult medical diagnosis, so they spend hours researching, reading, planning various doctor appointments, and researching survival rates rather than acknowledging or allowing themself to feel scared. They focus on all the science-backed reasons that increase the likelihood of their family member surviving and getting better, and decide it is not worth being concerned about yet, given the facts.
- Someone’s grandmother passes away, and they decide to focus completely on the logistics, the funeral planning, and all the tasks that need to get done. They also focus on the fact that she was elderly, not in good health, and all of the reasons why it makes sense that she passed away when she did, instead of allowing themself time to grieve and acknowledge the loss.
- Someone is going through a breakup, and they begin focusing on how it makes sense given each person’s history, attachment style, love language, and communication style, rather than on the feelings that arise from it. Intellectualization shifts the focus away from the actual emotions and can prevent people from processing their feelings.
Perceived Benefits of Intellectualization:
People who tend to intellectualize often feel it is highly beneficial and have no concerns about it. The reasons intellectualization seems helpful are as follows:
- Intellectualization helps people feel more in control during emotionally overwhelming moments. Often, if a person understands why they feel the way they do, they feel they have more control over their circumstances. People who use this defense mechanism often seem well-equipped and able to stay calm in a crisis because they can detach from their emotions more readily and tend to think more logically.
- The individual has insight into their own behavioral patterns and how these patterns impact them. They may be aware of their triggers and how their past affects them now.
- It could create more understanding and acceptance of why others act the way they do.
- It also helps the person feel more emotionally safe because they feel that if they understand or can logically make sense of what happens, then these things “should not” or “can not” truly bother them, or that there is “no point” in being upset over them.
What Happens When Intellectualization No Longer Works For You?
People who intellectualize often feel they are processing events because they can understand themselves, their behaviors, and where they stem from; however, there eventually comes a point when this stops being beneficial and can actually become unhelpful. The problem usually comes when people rely on intellectualization to avoid feeling their emotions or to explain themselves out of them. Intellectualization creates detachment and can prevent a person from experiencing their actual feelings. For example, in the above examples, if the person going through the breakup understands why it happened, then they may try to talk themselves out of their emotions by saying they cannot feel sad or angry because they understand why it happened. A healthier emotional response would be to identify and feel your emotions about the breakup, look at what may have contributed to it, learn from the experience, and integrate that knowledge going forward.
Why Does Intellectualization Feel Easier than Actually Feeling Emotions?
On the surface, intellectualization may seem harder than simply “feeling your emotions” because it requires effort to analyze and think about these situations. However, truly feeling and experiencing emotions is more difficult because feeling your feelings leaves little to do besides letting yourself feel. As humans, we want to feel we have maximum control over our circumstances, and we like to feel there is action we can take when we are uncomfortable. However, the hard part about emotions is that oftentimes there is not much we can do about them besides recognizing them, accepting and acknowledging them, feeling them, coping with them in the healthiest ways we can, and then letting them pass. When we resist emotions rather than accept them, they can end up controlling us and affecting us more in the long run. They get pushed down, and these complicated feelings linger inside us and can surface in other ways. If we simply accept our emotions, let ourselves feel them, and then let them pass, we can move forward more quickly and in a healthier way.
Some signs you are leaning too much on intellectualizing:
- You jump into problem-solving mode when an emotional situation occurs.
- You have gone through years of therapy but still feel stuck, or find yourself repeating patterns of behavior that you are aware of already.
- You overanalyze every difficult event or emotion to the point where it feels exhausting.
- You struggle to actually feel and identify emotions when they occur, and you explain your emotions more than you experience them.
- You minimize your emotional experiences and have trouble validating yourself; you also may say things like “I shouldn’t feel this way”/ “it does not make sense for me to feel this way”
If you have determined that you tend to intellectualize, the good news is that you can work to change this behavior. It’s also important to remind yourself that intellectualization is simply a defense mechanism that emerged at some point in your life to protect you from emotional overwhelm, and it’s not something to be ashamed of. Some strategies to stop intellectualizing include:
- Acknowledging and noticing when you are engaging in intellectualizing
- Bringing your attention to the emotions you are experiencing and how they actually feel, rather than trying to explain the facts behind why you are having them
- Shifting analysis to curiosity. Curiosity is about understanding and acceptance, while analysis is about control and solutions. Curiosity may sound like: “I wonder what this feeling is? Where is it showing up in my body? What might these feelings be trying to tell me?” Whereas analysis sounds like “why is this happening / why am I feeling this? What was the trigger that is leading to this feeling and what are the steps to feel better as soon as possible?”
- Bringing your attention to your body. Our bodies convey much of the information we need, and people who intellectualize often ignore these bodily signals because they are more mind-focused. Improving that mind-body connection is really important and can begin by simply noticing different bodily sensations and when they occur. Understanding how bodily sensations connect to feelings, somatic work, mindfulness practices, yoga, and breathwork can all help improve this skill.
